


Everything Carries Me To You

by foldingcranes



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Civil War II, M/M, Memory Loss, Not A Fix-It, post-mindwipe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foldingcranes/pseuds/foldingcranes
Summary: Out of spite, and still angry about the mindwipe, Steve asks Strange for a favor.





	Everything Carries Me To You

**Author's Note:**

> (This fic works if we pretend that hydra!cap never happened, sssh.)

“Are you sure about this?”

( _Breathe_.)

“Yes. Do it, Stephen.”

(Delete it all.)

“I want him gone.”

Steve closes his eyes, lies back on Stephen Strange’s table, and lets the magic pour over his body. Lets the memories come up to the surface, so the magic can wipe them away like waves erasing traces on sand.

 

-

 

Cozy afternoons in the tower’s living room, cuddled up on the sofa in front of the tv, surrounded by blankets–

Hushed conversations at the dark of the night, between walls and walls of books inside the library at Avengers’ mansion–

A pat on a shoulder. An affectionate hug. _Well done, Winghead_.

(Delete.)

 

-

 

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain America is more important than you.”

(Delete.)

 

-

 

A laugh, and then— something soft under his chin. Hair.

“You’re so warm.”

He’s being kissed.

“I’ll cling to you for the entire winter.”

(Delete.)

 

-

 

A hand on his waist. A smile in the middle of a ballroom. A slow, intimate waltz.

“Well, you certainly got some _moves_ , Captain.”

(Delete.)

 

-

 

“What can I do to make it stop?”

Tony cries, and Steve clenches his fists. There’s no going back for them.

(Delete.)

 

-

 

His shield clashes against metal and he can _hear_ bones breaking, sparks flying from every encounter between metals, and his vision is white with anger.

“Finish it.”

(Delete.)

 

-

 

He’s so warm, he doesn’t want to leave the bed. There’s a ray of sunlight getting through the curtains and then, a soft kiss on his temple.

“You should sleep in today, sweetheart.”

Steve doesn’t open his eyes, and forgets about the nightmares from the previous night.

(Delete.)

 

-

 

“I’d do it again.”

And he still feels the impact of his own fist on flesh and bones and places where his touch was soft, once–

(Delete.)

 

-

 

One morning, Steve wakes up without anger.

There’ll always be things that’ll make him angry, both in his past and his present. Steve isn’t naïve, and knows he lives a life where the cards he’s been dealt won’t always be fair. But the poisonous anger that seemed to permanently live on his shoulders is gone now, and he can’t even remember where’s the origin of it. Is it from the ice? Is it from a loss of faith in people? From the times his nation disappointed him? Or the friends that have been left behind?

All he knows is that life continues as always, but his shoulders are bare. His back seems stronger.

(And his chest feels hollow.)

 

-

 

Tony copes.

He copes through Kamala’s honest enthusiasm, through Sam’s strong sense of determination, through Miles’ bravery and the hope Riri makes him feel for the future.

He copes through Sam’s welcomed friendship, Vision’s familiar comfort and Thor’s companionship.

He copes through long sleepless night and Carol and Jim’s kindness. He tries to seek them out more, hang out more with his friends: late nights with ice cream and movies and making Carol’s cat chase a pointer and flying with Rhodey.

He tries dating again— Amara is sweet and smart and doesn’t let him get away with bullshit. It doesn’t work, but it was nice while it lasted.

(He tries to be happy and normal and good, a kind of good he had tried to be before Steve decided to erase him, before Tony betrayed him, before the anger—)

He wishes it were enough.

 

-

 

(Tony lies still on the capitol’s steps, impaled by debris, and closes his eyes. He thanks whatever deity needs to be thanked for being allowed to be on time.

He’s so glad it wasn’t Steve again.

It’s his _turn_ now and he’s okay with it. He’s tired of fighting his own friends and he did all he could do before going down. He couldn’t save Rhodey, months ago, and the loss still aches and pierces his chest every time he remembers. But he’s saved Steve and protected Miles and, for a moment, it’s more than enough.)

 

-

 

Stark looks at him with eyes warm like the winter sun and smiles. There’s blood on his lips.

(He plays the dying man card and lets himself be cradled while he bleeds.)

“Can you hold my hand until I’m gone?”

Steve does. He awkwardly grabs Stark’s cold hand, and feels how his entire body trembles. There’s rebar piercing Stark’s side, and there’s something strangely unsettling about him dying on the capitol steps.

(He can’t put a finger on it.)

At his side, Miles Morales is choking back sobs, and Carol stands before all of them, frozen in silent horror. Steve waits for help to arrive, but Stark gets colder and colder by the minute.

“Why did you take that shot for me?” Stark laughs a little, and it comes out as a wet, horrific sound.

_“You’re better off not knowing the answer to that question, Cap.”_

 

-

 

Stark dies at the hospital, and Steve gets asked if he wants to say something at the funeral.

(Stark saved his life, and Steve desperately wishes to know _why_.)

He shakes his head. “He was a good man,” he says.

“But I didn’t know him.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic also has a [tumblr post](http://countingcranes.tumblr.com/post/161183650717/everything-carries-me-to-you).


End file.
